When I was nineteen I became pregnant with my first child. I was still mentally a child myself. I had not grown up like most teenagers with sound instruction and support. I had no idea how to really care for myself, let alone a child of my own. But, the very moment I read the positive pregnancy test I fell in love with my baby.
It was difficult to wrap my mind around what being a mom would look like. I knew that the child was completely reliant on me to take good care of them. I knew they needed love, care, and stability. Things I had a serious deficit in. I had experienced my parents’ divorce, teen rapes, and parental abandonment. I was full of hate, anger, and unforgiveness. I lacked the skills needed for the journey and my family and friends were worried about the child because of my lack. But, the desperation of my situation made me turn to God for help.
My belly grew more and more every month from the tiny life that was now moving inside of me. The doctor confirmed that I was expecting a baby girl and I was thrilled!
Over the next several weeks I pondered what kind of example I would be to her. I desperately wanted her to be a better woman than I was. I started to realize that I had to become the kind of woman that would be an example of true womanhood. I was so far from that, but, I was determined to get there!
I had been through a lot of trauma and even though I had received help from God, I needed to be very sure that he was real. I cried out to him one night and asked him to show me if he was real. Within a moment a powerful peace and realization of the existence of God came inside of me. From that moment on no one would ever be able to convince me otherwise! I said, “Take my life, Lord, and change me, make me new!” And that is exactly what he did! The first thing I did was give up my music. I listened to many different types of music, but, most of it was about sex, drugs, drinking, and hate. I knew within me it had to go and acted on that knowing. I later learned in the scripture Romans 12:2 says Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will. The renewing of my mind was necessary for change.
I chose the name Aurora for my baby girl, which means dawn or the first sign of light before sunrise. I prayed every day for me and for her and for everyone I knew would be in our lives. I believed that God was real and knew I was changing. At 12:00am on November 11th, 1999 I had my first contraction. The labor and delivery went so well and Aurora was born at 6:36am. I was so in awe of her! All of my thoughts and heart shifted to her and the experience changed me even more.
As she grew up I continued to change, but, I had so much to sort through and life was extremely difficult learning to make better choices. We had a lot of heartaches that turned into so many, many victories.
She is now eighteen and the most beautiful woman I know inside and out! She has always excelled in school and has been an amazing big sister of three younger siblings. She has always been helpful and kind-hearted and compassionate. She has loved her enemies and prayed for them diligently. She is the model woman of God. I am so honored to have the pleasure of being her mother! She has become the woman that I hoped she would be and so much more!
This year she graduated and I have taken time to reflect on her life and earlier this year I reminisced about her birth. I sat with Aurora recalling that time. I remembered right after I gave birth to her the nurses took her to the nursery with her dad to weigh and measure her. I sat alone and lay my head back on the pillow in my hospital bed. I turned my head to look outside the window and saw a beautiful peachy-pink and lavender sunrise welcoming Aurora into the world and me into my new life as her mother. My little Aurora was born at dawn, just like the meaning of her name. While reminiscing, we looked up the definition of Dawn. There were many definitions, One read Dawn-: to begin to grow light as the sun rises: to begin to appear or develop: to begin to be perceived or understood. But one stood out to me, it read Dawn-: Two minutes before sunrise. I quickly looked up what time the sunrise actually happened on November 11th, 1999 in St. Louis, Missouri and the time was 6:38am. Aurora, which means dawn or “first sign of light before sunrise”, was born at 6:36am exactly two minutes before sunrise- at dawn. She was indefinitely my first sign of light before sunrise and the dawning of a new life for me. When she was sent to me, God was starting something new for me and the generations to come! New beginnings! What a year of celebration this has been! I feel such JOY over the VICTORY of accomplishment in her life!
Now that she is an adult and we are planning college we share a beautiful relationship! She and I walk together every evening sharing stories and encouraging one another.
In Aurora, I have witnessed the true love of a believing woman and how to forgive and to love your enemies. I have seen her compassion and care for her siblings and me and her stand for what is true and right in our family and with peers. As I reflect on her new season of life I recognize how God has cleaned me up and made me the woman that she needed to set her on mountain peaks of grace and triumph. God always has mighty plans for us! If we are willing to believe the truth and walk with him in obedience we walk in freedom!
God gave his son Jesus as a sacrifice that paid for the darkness and sin in our lives. The bible says in 1 John 3:8 The person who keeps on sinning is from the Adversary, because from the very beginning the Adversary has kept on sinning. It was for this very reason that the Son of God appeared, to destroy those doings of the Adversary. That sin that we commit is what separates us from God and the blessings of life from him. The Adversary is the cause, but, his doings have been destroyed according to that verse. God doesn’t want us to have a rift in our relationship. He loves us and wants us to know Him and be known by Him. That’s why God sent Jesus! He loves us so much that he made a way, the only way, back into relationship with our loving heavenly Father. Jesus had no sin at all, so he was the perfect sacrifice for our sins. 2 Corinthians 5:21 God made this sinless man to be a sin offering on our behalf, so that in union with him we might fully share in God’s righteousness. By believing that Jesus was sent by God for this reason we accept, receive and are in union with Him as Lord. When we receive Him we are receiving EVERYTHING that he is. We are receiving a changed heart and life. CJB Isaiah 53:5 says But he was wounded because of our crimes, crushed because of our sins; the disciplining that makes us WHOLE fell on him, and by his bruises(Or: and in fellowship with him) we are healed. God provided Jesus and made YOU WHOLE!!! Your spirit, your soul, your body, your mind, your relationships, your finances, EVERYTHING has been made WHOLE through Christ!!!
We can receive wholeness by believing and accepting what God has done! It is the simplicity of the gospel. God sent Jesus, who gave his life, which made us whole!!
2 Peter 1:3 God’s power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, through our knowing the One who called us to his own glory and goodness. By these he has given us valuable and superlatively great promises, so that through them you might come to share in God’s nature and escape the corruption which evil desires have brought into the world.
Romans 3:22-24- and it is the righteousness that comes from God, through the faithfulness of Yeshua the Messiah, to all who continue trusting. For it makes no difference whether one is a Jew or a Gentile, for all have sinned and fallen short of God’s praise.
Hallelujah!!! When I prayed for God to change me, he had already provided the way for change. Because of the free gift that I accepted by believing in my heart, of Jesus, that was given by my heavenly Father God, I became new and set out a new course of VICTORY and JOY for me and my family!
Now is your chance for you to choose the same and be free and made new!